Quick Recap so You Enter Our Realm: We. Love. Puchkas. We. Love. Kolkata. We. Hate. Firangs. We. Want. Desi. ONLY!!!! JAI BHAGAT SINGH KI!
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Chapter 1:
How We Plan to Start: A Seven-Point Plan (just like Congress ya!)
1. Get a guy to say 'Yes, definitely, surely!' when you ask him to marry you. Make sure he's said the same to your cousin a year ago. Sue him for libel and defamation and incest.
2. When you find out he has no money, advise him to die instead, and make good on the insurance. And the sale of his internal organs. And the external ones. And his clothes and his porn movie collection. And some mysterious 'part' he says one in a thousand men have. We suspect misbalanced balls.
3. Set up death at the hands of rival puchka company so you can really start off with a bang and emphasise that you're the good widva bahu (who's totally hot too btw 'cos he picked out your clothes when you thought you'd go pubbing) and they're the scum of the earth.
4. Get a little kid - or a dwarf - to promote your business, preferably a handicapped drooly one, or the one your husband donated sundry organs to. That way they can have an awesome clip to play at the Nobel prize distribution while you rapidly put glycerine in your eyes and get ready to praise dead husband for inspiration and purpose in life.
5. Give everyone a picture of your vibratory husband (a hologram) so they remember you're downtrodden and need the extra money. Before you ask, what, they can haunt from beyond the grave but they can't hump from beyond it?
6. Ensure you mention your husband and his inspiration at every step of the way so people won't notice when you marry another, richer guy, and you instruct him summarily to 'Die' as well.
7. Invest wisely in more and more puchkas. And live happily ever after.
In memory of Puneet, a fine vibrator and a useful dead body.
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