How can I put this without sounding like too much of a douchebag? I'm not in love. And I don't think being bombarded with emails, SMS'es, and phone calls is going to change that. When it comes to - cough - relationships, I think I'm as allergic as the most steadfast sworn bachelor. I freak at the thought of committing to one person in a relationship that isn't bound by law, and, slutty as this sounds, why does anyone need to??
Being me though, 'no' isn't a word I manage to use more than once in a row, which means I end up seeing bags more douchey than me, who, when hinted to that they're putting you to sleep, respond 'Go to sleep, I'll carry you home.' Much as that may make me roll my eyes till they hit the ceiling of the moon, I'm afraid I have this weird notion that you don't have the right to tell someone to shoo till they really deserve it.
And so, until provoked beyond my patience threshold (which seems, to my surprise, to have exponentially expanded), I pretty much grit my teeth and endure it, from calls at midnight ranting that I don't have time for aforementioned lunatic, to weird voodoo'ey flowers that I think are punishment more than anything else. But gah, I'm old and this tires me more than it would have even a year ago.
I've had just one question all my life though - wouldn't it be simpler to just pee on my foot to stake territory instead? Whyyy the elaborate charade? Movies and romantic literature should be filtered and provided only to those that have the maturity to understand they don't HAVE to replicate it.
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