Can you imagine my expression when....

Me (snarling like a rabid dog): I'm going to chop their balls, going to line them up and chop their balls, if only they weren't frikkin female, I'm going to -
A (beaming widely): Akx, you look so pretty!

My status: I DON'T HAVE TIME TO CHANGE MY STATUS MESSAGE!
Ping from C: Girls, I'm taking a poll, do you find men with clean-shaven chests hot?

S1: We should meet.
S2: Let's calendar a room.
S3: We should calendar a room and meet.

Me: Woh toh mein kar nahi sakti re, kal subah chaar baje se meetings hai.
J2: Awesome, you'll get to see sunrise from office!

J: Could you project that as a slide show?
Room full of people supposedly recruited by a company with stringent hiring standards start twitching at little controls. Three minutes later, no slideshow.
Ping from J: Hahahaha!

Sandwich Man: All sauces?
Me: No sauces.
Sandwich Man: All sauces. (Diligently makes my sandwich look like goomp.)

Me (start of meeting): Ok I'm a little lost. What are we here to discuss?
(Blank stares all around. Quick opening of laptops, everyone hitting keys.)

Halfway through a meeting, boy looking panicked: I don't think I should be here!

N: Where am I?
Me: (Benevolently) Fourth floor. (Pause) No. Wait. Second. Uhm. Third? (Distressed) Where am I!!!!

P: :(
Me: :P
P: :( :(
Me: *:P*
P: :(

J: He's gay!
Me: No!!!!
J: He's gay.
Me: Nooooo!
J: (Meaningful look)
Me: Woah.

Non: Hi! Any problem?
Me: No thanks, it's all perfect.
(Half hour passes)
Non: Hi! Any problem?

The Beatles had absolutely no excuse to croon about a hard day's night.