If Only.

Now that the ordeal's done and we're back to normal breathing, here are all the ways in which Mahesh Bhatt's movie 'Haunted' could've just been avoided, sparing us all the trauma:

- If the annoying old man at the beginning (the one with enough money for a Reid & Taylor suit, but not enough for food) who knows all the answers to everything would just take care of the situation himself

- If Mimoh had realized that his realtor ass would get sued if he decided to stay at every single house he attempted to sell

- If any of the house's owners since 1936 had bothered to sell, replace or even shift any of the furniture, including but not limited to a piano that isn't even all that grand

- If Mimoh had ever bothered switching on a light in a house that's clearly haunted, instead of waiting for an angry Iyer ghost to come and do it for him

- If Meera had realized that it's simpler to let a piano professor rape her and leave her alone than to survive six days of rape from a ghost followed by eighty years of spirit rape

- If the piano-teacher-rapist-ghost Iyer wouldn't spoil the name of Iyers everywhere by pretending we're monogamous enough to enjoy eighty years of buttfucking the exact same person

- If the rape-victim-sparkly-ghost Meera had just not been a slob and washed out her locket instead of letting the rapist's blood dry up on it

- If Kishan, Kanhaiya, and all the other murdered chauffeurs, cooks etc, had realized their spirits could haunt the house for some added kicks, instead of leaving it to just Iyer and Meera

- If Meera's ghost had been less of a wuss.. I mean, what was she scared of now, death? No wait, that's right, she killed herself

- If the priest who said he'd 'pray' to keep them safe had just continued praying instead of getting up to check his wardrobe... and/or realized that Iyer would've been better exorcised by Andal anyway

- If Mimoh had just said 'Meera Meera Meera' instead of 'Iyer Iyer Iyer' since apparently calling someone by their name adds to their power

- If Mimoh had realized that given he could not only outrun a ghost and hold it down by its foot for five minutes when it attempted to fly away... he could pretty much just do away with it too

And the unero numo one-stop solution for getting rid of Haunted before it even started? If Mimoh had just turned around and shown the ghosts his superior 'dancing' or 'acting' skills, I'm pretty sure they'd have 'died laughing' and rested in peace forever more.