Remember When? (Orgasms & The Other 15)

Plagiarized from my old blog, because you know and I know that this post is among the all-time awesomes. Do you miss the rest? I read through them just now and I for one TOTALLY do. Kbai.

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Women faking orgasms is passe, not to mention fair enough, given men fake foreplay. All's predictable in love and war. Here's some other stuff that women fake more regularly.

• Know-it-all-thannam: But of course we know everything about everything and have an opinion besides... particularly when we run a quick Google seach and ping our friends going 'Quick! What do you think about....'
  

• Compliments: Omg, you look so cute! (You've put on weight. Yay me.)
  

• Concern: Sweetie, are you sure you're eating enough? (Can you PLEASE start weighing more than me again!)

• Advice: Yes! You should totally buy that dress! (It'll make my dress look even better!)
  

• Intellect: You can discuss Nietzsche with me for hours on end, but when I go home, I'm going to head straight for the princess diaries. But you can't exactly tell a goodlooking snob that, now can you.

• Interest: Omg, so cool! Wow. Really? Lol! Deep! When I start giving you one- and two- word responses, there's a very good chance I stopped listening and am wondering idly exactly when you'll notice it.

• Innocence: Are you checking me out? Just cos I have a little skirt on? How totally unfathomable and completely unplanned. Flutters eyelashes.

• Drunkenness: Men are just not prepared for the neurosis we're capable of sober. So we head to a bar, sip at water, then call and launch into a lurve tirade, blaming it on the 'drink.'
  

• PMS: Men will run away when you wield it like a weapon; women will have to empathise though they know you're shamming lest you catch them out the next time they use it as a reason for general overall nastiness. Spread the joy.
  

• Franship: Women. Are. Piranhas. It's just not in our nature to do the happy family scene with a whole bunch of other women unless we're clique'ing within the group to bitch about the other cliques behind their back. In front of course its dahling, muah muah.

• Oopsies: Oh my GOD, I can't believe I said that! I was pinging it to the other window! ... Yeahhhh right. Women are nothing if not multi-taskers. A wrong ping from them is like Viswanathan Anand checkmating himself accidentally.

• Conditional formatting: Have I seen blah movie? If I like you, even if its sci-fi, nooo, let's go! If I don't like you, though I haven't, oh yesss, I loved it post-interval! Intelligent bluff. For more details, Google it and copy-paste what Wiki has to say.

• Helplessness: I can knit an entire blanket without blinking twice but my dupatta's stuck in the door! Help! Help! I've no clue what to do! (Translation: I'm lazy. You're cute.)

• Feminism: Just an excuse to run around bra-less, who'd want equality when we clearly reign supreme?