The end of the world, as I knew it

Life's been... interesting, ever since I left the big G. 

I've had moments of deep insecurity, when I missed my pay packet + perks, resented people who were working less and getting more; and wondered if I should just go crawling back. I've woken up every morning, terrified that I've made a mistake joining a startup, because how can a person as shallow and as impatient as me last the year or so it'll take to build a career from scratch?

There are no guarantees, and no way of knowing if the choices I've made are the right ones. What I do know is that when I close a sale now, the person's buying me, not the brand. Every time the company's market value goes up in this city, I know I drove it because, hey, look around, there's no one else in sight. And I am the only person I know who got a promotion while on probation. So along with the insecurity, comes more confidence than I've ever had.

At the same time, something in me shifted when I left the comfort of a big company. I'm not okay with complacency any more. I don't want to say, 'Let's give it a year,' and sit on my ass because it's easy to do that, or the safest route. I still obsess like crazy and don't take enough risks, but at least now I'm constantly restless at the thought that I can be more, do more, live more. 

What if 2012 is the year the world ends? I want to spend it writing a book. Traveling. Not worrying about the number of leaves I have left. Let's hope I get up the guts to try some of that stuff.