The Ten Commandments Every Not-So-Smugly-Married Should Adopt

I'm not going to pretend I don't believe in marriage or that I'm not super thrilled about marrying MM, but in the interest of preserving sanity, yours and mine, I hereby solemnly swear to abide by the following ten commandments:

1. I promise never to start putting up pictures of things I've made or recipes I think are original. I've been cooking for too long now for it to be anything new, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

2. I promise not to have kids for a good four-five years. What on earth is the point of getting married now if not to enjoy these interim years before you biologically need to have kids if you ever plan on having any?

3. I promise the husband will not tag along on all our outings. He has friends of his own, as do I, and while socializing and fraternizing is all very well, well, we're not exactly glued at the hip. 

4. I promise I know what I look like, and that won't miraculously change just because I'm married - ie: my display picture will still be *me* not *us* and especially not marriage pictures of us together.

5. I promise not to smugly sit back and put on weight just because I've ensnared a mate... I'm obsessively healthy and that will never change.

6. I promise not to cootchiecoo with the boy via FB statuses. That's kind of what real life is for.

7. I promise not to take you seriously if you gush about how awesome we look together and how gorgeous I am... it absolutely won't go to my head because I've faked the gushing often enough by now.

8. I promise not to put up clingy huggy honeymoon pictures - we're going to some place fabulous so I can't assure *no* pictures, but I can assure pictures of the variety I'd take if I were traveling alone.

9. I promise not to torture you guys with affectionate name calling in public places or within hearing vicinity of anyone. Because... wtf yo. Not cute.

10. I promise not to slobberslurplickdrool fall into his arms like I've been attracted by a magnet, in reel life, in real life, or anywhere else if I know you can see us. I'm perfectly capable of walking by myself without falling over. Well. Not quite. But if I fall, I fall.