Hung Up on Aircel

'Oh Aircel. We're not dating, you know. There's no need to call me up every hour on the hour.'

Judging by the torrent of likes and comments on that Facebook status, Aircel believes in polygamy. However, there's no need for me to feel un-loved... Aircel's handpicked me for a whole new level of intimacy. Why else would they randomly debit amounts of 30 and 15 within a week, claiming they want to send me kaadhal kavidhai (that's love poems, for all you non-Tamizh-ites) and Melody tunes (I don't even want to know what that is).

You've to give phone companies some credit - they certainly know their pick-up lines (har, pun). Lately, I've been calling them more often than they've been calling me - albeit to complain about these random tactics. I get a standard apology that sounds about as heartfelt as their automated recording, and they assure me they'll credit my account within 48 hours, while I try to ignore the fact that it took them less than a minute to debit it in the first place.

I feel like I'm in a relationship with a spendaholic who's intent on blowing my money in tiny installments. So let me try saying this just one more time. Aircel, honey. I'm just not that into you. Please. Stop. Or I really will break up with you.