O-Sir-Is

For those of you who wanted to know the story of the play that put me in seven - yes, SEVEN - layers of clothing.

The Sun God, Ra, is furious with his wife Nut (not pronounced synonymously with balls), for begotting a son with the Earth God, Geb. However, astrologers predict the b-word (I'm not swearing this year, fill in the blanks with swear words) will grow up to be the greatest king of Egypt. Thus begins the story of Osiris.

Osiris grows up with sister Isis (later his wife because apparently they were out of women in the land) and brother Seth (later murderer because that's what happens when you kill off all the women in the land). Osiris is a prissy twit and brings agriculture, dams, and other wondrous creations to Egypt, Syria, and neighbouring lands

When he returns from one of his do-good voyages, Seth throws him to a banquet where for entertainment, he asks him to get into a box (Osiris does this because he wants to win the box. What can I say, they didn't have Windows back then). Seth them jumps up and down in his skirt, shuts the box, and throws the box (with Osiris inside) into the Nile.

Isis wanders up and down to find the box, meanwhile giving birth to a son Horus - now, since Osiris has been dead awhile, question to yourself where the boy came from and why he's named thusly. Anyway, between the durations when she finds Osiris in the box and goes to pick up Horus from his babysitter's, Seth ambles on over and cuts Osiris into fourteen parts which he flings in arbit directions.

Isis and Horus wander Egypt, building shrines wherever they found a body part (I'm not sure which shrine was the biggest) and then Horus sets out to avenge his (NOT) father's death. He and Seth fight, Seth first learning he has a nephew, and that's the epic battle between night and day that we see every day. But since the story had to end with something better than 'And night followed day, and day followed night, and then, oh guess what? Night followed day again....,' we had Horus kill Seth and be crowned King by Ra.

Morals of the story:

1. Women cheat.

2. Marriage is futile.

3. Don't just kill, tear bodies down entirely.

4. Don't inbreed, future generations get stupider.

5. I don't really have a fifth moral but I didn't want to stop with 4 and that's how stupid stories are born.