1. Never investigate noises in the night. Neither commonplace noises (eg: gas leak hiss) or ghostly noises (eg: saxophone playing Mozart). You can die from a leak but it'd be less trouble than being killed by a ghost who's using the hiss as a decoy.
2. Never open your eyes. If you don't see it, it won't kill you. It's only after establishing eye-contact and playing background music that ghosts close in for the kill.
3. (Assuming you ignored steps 1 & 2) Never run up the stairs to get away from a ghost - what'll you do on the terrace anyway, jump? No no. Always run towards the light. Not the white light. The street light. And towards crowds. Of real live people. Not imagined people or dead people.
4. If your phone rings after 10 PM, open one eye, and if it's an unknown number, CUT THE CALL. Don't open up messages that come in at 12 AM. If they came from humans (that are still alive), they'll still be there in the morning. And if they say things like 'Now you die!' then well, it won't be valid any more in the morning.
5. Don't touch anything that isn't yours or curiously pick it up and turn it around wondering where it came from. It doesn't matter if it's a disguised bomb. Remember: bombs are less painful than ghost-deaths.
6. Make sure you and/or your roommate and/or your respective families didn't kill anyone/have anyone commit suicide over them in this lifetime or the last three-four lifetimes. Ditto with landlords and other residents of your house.
7. Don't move into houses where the lift doesn't work or creaks - in fact, don't move into houses that require lifts. Stay on the first floor always. If you stay on the ground floor, don't run out into the forest when you hear ghost sounds.
8. You do NOT need to drink water in the middle of the night. That's how you die. Just shut up and wait till the morning. Children in Ethiopia haven't drunk water in days and they survive.
9. Don't have sleepovers. They're the surest way to get killed one by one. Also, don't go to resorts in group or rent a ship to go stay on a remote island. If you must hump each other, do it in the light of day in public areas. That's how to survive ghost deaths.
10. If you've ignored steps 1-9 above and somehow managed to kill (well, exterminate) the homicidial maniac ghost, do NOT sit down to cry or kiss your boyfriend - that's when the ghost will come back alive and come kill you. Instead, once you've killed the ghost, just kill yourself and get it over with. You should've just followed steps 1-9 you know.
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