What *is* an adequate response to 'I love you'? I'm guessing it's not 'Haaaaaaahahaha,' but really, if you ask me, that's as good a response as any other. I was talking this over with a close friend and I was so joyous at discovering a kindred soul, I'm going to admit this: despite all evidences to the contrary, I really do want to fall in love. But my kind of love belongs in... roughly speaking... the 1700's. Maybe its the way I've been brought up or the Bollywood of the time - I believe in love that lasts forever (and somewhere I hear Dhanus going, 'Cinderella! I'm not taking you to the ball because if I do, what happens when the clock strikes midnight?')
I realize its naive and I'm not suggesting I'm entirely innocent p. But when it comes to love, here's the thing: I'm so into my family that to admit to loving someone, it has to be a relationship that means something. And where do you find that these days when everyone has such an entirely different perception? Plus, here's where the problem lies: I'm not willing to randomly experiment till I find that. I'm not ok with breaking hearts proactively, and if I don't see this kind of thing happening when a guy asks me out, I don't see the point of giving it a shot - to give it a shot means to commit to it. To admit to it, if you will. There you have it - a vicious circle. Sometimes I wonder what I'm looking for.
Here's another thing I was thinking about... its cool with me not falling in love like that because I understand there aren't many... ANY!... guys that quite GET that. So then by default what happens next is marriage. To someone whom I'm sure I'll find cute enough, smart enough, funny enough, rich enough. It's... enough. But in some ways it seems like that ending is as much of a let-down and an anticlimax to the search as just going ahead and dating some random guy. Random... I just remembered an essay Harsha and I put together ages back on love. Before the dope, before the drama.... back when we really may have been innocent and capable of unconditionality. I wonder where that went. I suddenly really want to know what my fifteen-year old self thought.
I realize its naive and I'm not suggesting I'm entirely innocent p. But when it comes to love, here's the thing: I'm so into my family that to admit to loving someone, it has to be a relationship that means something. And where do you find that these days when everyone has such an entirely different perception? Plus, here's where the problem lies: I'm not willing to randomly experiment till I find that. I'm not ok with breaking hearts proactively, and if I don't see this kind of thing happening when a guy asks me out, I don't see the point of giving it a shot - to give it a shot means to commit to it. To admit to it, if you will. There you have it - a vicious circle. Sometimes I wonder what I'm looking for.
Here's another thing I was thinking about... its cool with me not falling in love like that because I understand there aren't many... ANY!... guys that quite GET that. So then by default what happens next is marriage. To someone whom I'm sure I'll find cute enough, smart enough, funny enough, rich enough. It's... enough. But in some ways it seems like that ending is as much of a let-down and an anticlimax to the search as just going ahead and dating some random guy. Random... I just remembered an essay Harsha and I put together ages back on love. Before the dope, before the drama.... back when we really may have been innocent and capable of unconditionality. I wonder where that went. I suddenly really want to know what my fifteen-year old self thought.
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